A public holiday falling on a Tuesday? The audacity! We’ve been duped a long weekend, and if you’re as upset as we are then use this ingenious* list of get-out-of-work-free excuses for Monday January 25. Hello cheeky four-day weekend!
I can’t get my car out of the garage
…Because it’d interfere with the kick-arse backyard cricket pitch we’ve set up for tomorrow.
I have to be at home to meet a tradesperson
…Who’s wiring up the sound system I borrowed from Dave for tomorrow’s party.
I’ve developed gangrene on my feet
…From spending the entire weekend in the pool. Hey, those things don’t clean themselves!
I can’t get my car started
…Because I used the sparkplug to repair the radio so we can listen to the Hottest 100.
I’ve found an animal trapped in my pool filter and I have to rush it to the RSPCA.
Upon closer inspection, it may or may not be a giant pink flamingo.
I’ve got no money for the bus/train/ferry ride
…Because I spent the rest of my pay on quality snags and minute steak from the local butcher
I’ve developed short term crippling arthritis
…From whipping a litre of cream for tomorrow’s pav by hand
I’ve got a black eye
…Courtesy of Uncle Mick’s vicious full toss.
I snapped my Achilles
…Tripping on the run up to yesterday’s warm-up slip and slide
And the one that’s guaranteed zero follow-up questions. Every. Single. Time.
I’ve got the runs
100 not out to be precise.
* We cannot guarantee these excuses will work and they may result in getting you fired.